Choices

If you had a chance to say
You had a hand in making me
Would you

If I could reap success for certain
By letting all else take second
Would I

Well,
I am trying to find ways
To turn this axis around
To point it at the sky
Then squash it to the ground
For,
I want not measure "progress"
It makes a mockery of learning
Taking all of change and time to
Seeking growth is wasted

You know,
I cannot quite follow
For my so-called smarts and work
Why I throw my hope at overhangs and
Drag my child up through the dirt
And,
The most inane, absurd of all
I go place you at the top
Never had to jump so high
On so much doubt before

So,
Just like Auckland weather
I cycle days and weeks
When sleep decides to help my feet
I sometimes see the peak
And,
At my best I may even
Pause to smell the roses
Turn my head away from rocks and
See the other climbers

But
Absent, awake, at 4 a.m.
Lidded eyes pull clock and chain
Growing fears and stories to
Heat volcanic rain
Anger is childish, I know
Though I still chase my shadow and
Hoard heartache on my back
Your voice is safely stored and played
Until I understand

So,
I am sorry I am not more
Of what you thought you caught
But slowly (I hope) I begin to know
How to "synthesise new thought"
And I remember,
When I first got here, I said,
I want to be my best
Push me to my limit
Put me to the test

Still, if I had that choice again
To go another road
Would I let this go

And, if you had that choice again
To be a part of me
Would you say no

Notion

I am elementary particles
For over billions of years
Who have come together
By accident
By natural selection

So if I am not to feel purpose
Self-worth, nor direction
Who am I to say it should not be so?
I am no more than atoms asking
Where did my starlight go?

Mass, velocity, position, energy
Man-made metrics
Of sources never created
But sure, we try to harness
Still, we struggle to contain that one photon
That divides forever and flows everywhere
Why, our minds can bend light
But our hearts hold it and if heavy
Never let it escape, letting it
Fight away the dark space that
Creeps and crawls in between bits
And paint glue on the pieces that
Would otherwise explode and shout
An inaudible, insignificant bang
Ah, the origin or end?

Numb Funny

Every time I talk to you
My words run away
Like pieces of me
Toward you

As I deplete
What remains waits
Like crumbling foundations
What to do

When we part
There is stillness before
The world rushes back
Trying to drown this peculiar feeling

Helium Balloon

No matter where I go
I will never leave here
This is my home

No matter who I follow
A weightlessness I bear
Beneath exterior show

Within my head of wonders
The shelves of everything
Are unforgiving towers

But if I lose at sea
I shall never sink
They hold fast to me

Get Up

Get up, get up
Why're you sitting there
Still wading in your own despair
Just waiting to be drowned
No thought, just counting down

Stand up, head up
Don't waste my time
With talk of running off the line
Look at the hills you've climbed
Aim's not the only guide

Hold up and slow down
Stop racing the days
Pretending the flows sweep you away
When lifelines are set and done
And you're not the only one

Get up

It's time to grow up